The weaker sex? - Dealing with the Death of a spouse - Discussion Forum

- By Sudha Palit

Women are generally portrayed as being victims of all kinds of ill-treatment and exploitation by men. This is easy to believe because they are smaller in size than males. But size can be a deceptive measure by which to judge a woman’s overall power.

Medical statistics show that most of the deaths of new-born babies are among males. So, by and large, females seem to have a stronger constitution at birth. Also, women in general have a longer life span than men, as they are less likely to succumb to fatal diseases like heart attacks, except at a ripe old age. Even so, during their prime years, men are known to be physically stronger than women. And unleashed physical strength can cause a lot of damage.

For many years, women have been depicted as the victimised species because of their dominance by males. “Wife battering” and similar terms have been widely used in cases relating to domestic violence. Women who have been subjected to this kind of treatment evoke much sympathy, and special courts are set up to deal with cases like theirs. Movies inspired by such real- life cases have also been made.

But another kind of picture is now emerging. Husbands are not always the offending parties. More and more cases are now coming to light where men are at the receiving end of the persecutory tactics used by their domineering wives. Misogynists might like to give credence to the saying that “marriage is a contract where a man loses his bachelor’s degree and a woman gains her master’s”. Quite recently a case was reported in the newspapers of a man committing suicide because of the constant bickering in his marriage, caused by a nagging and tyrannical wife. When he could not stand the stress any longer, he decided to end it all. Harassed husbands feel it is high time to do something to alleviate the distress that they have been silently suffering at the hands of their marriage partners.

Organisations are now being formed to address such issues, in Jamshedpur (Jharkhand) a full-fledged organisation called Meri biwi se bachao (save me from my wife) has been formed. The organisation was founded in this steel city*years ago and also has branches in nearby areas. Here husbands come to air their marital grievances, and attempts are made to find solutions to their grievances.

It has been found that when a man is the main earning member of the family, the wife sometimes tries to get hold of the property that he has acquired through hard work. In the last few years, there have been quite a few cases of men opting for voluntary retirement under the voluntary retirement scheme. Some wives feel aggrieved that they have not had a say in the amount of their husbands’ gratuity and provident fund, and they create no end of trouble for their partners in this context. The men prefer to keep quiet about such matters as they feel that their ego is threatened.

If the money from the VRS is put into a joint account, some wives feel free to draw out what they need for their personal use without informing their husbands. Women sometimes even use their children to emotionally blackmail their husbands so that they give in to their demands. In divorce cases, men are often at their ex-wives’ mercy when it comes to parting with property or money in a divorce settlement. Some women have no compunction in bleeding their husbands white.

But female expertise is not confined to material gains. Even physically they can cause damage to their husbands where it really matters. Some years ago, a woman by the name of Lorena Bobbit made headlines when she castrated her husband with a sharp knife. She even had a couple of imitators who tried the same kind of amputation on their errant husbands, and the phrase, “So and so did a Bobbit on her husband,” came into usage.

Since women have been clamouring for equality with men, cases of marital injustice should be treated on an equal par for both men and women. The fair sex cannot expect to get away lightly in cases where they are clearly the offending party.

Courtesy: The Statesman