Effects on a child being raised within a bad marriage

you are really right, Sukumar ji.  It is far better to grow a child alone than growing the child under a miserable and quarrelsome condition at home.  daily fights between husband and wife leave very bad impression on the child.  thanks

Hey Siddharth....   Many thanks for your reply, Its really crazy....  I just went through an experience with friends who are having a real hard time in their relationship, but they are not able to see what it is doing to their children.I was lucky to raise my daughter by myself, and this made a big difference to all the*of us. Today she is a stable adult and has her own relationship with her mom and another one with me. This really helped, ofcourse i also feel that some people use the children as a weapon against the partner, either while still within a relationship or from without...  Its crazy what some people can do to their own kids

Though i wont be an expert on this, but i can surely imagine how horrible it must be to see his/her parents fight and abuse each other. worse still if the kid loves both of them. i remember how miserable i used to feel when my parents used to fight...though rare it was...! it was as if i will eventually hv to take the decision...whom to go with...! and that scared the hell out of me.good job sukumar! :)

hello su kumar ji, I also have one daughter, She is with her mother, Its long time I saw my daughter. Although, I can ask the visiting right from the court but I think It will leave a bad impression on my daughter mind. I dont want to ruin her childhood. Can you suggest me something that would help in raising my child. I would appreciate an early reply. thanks

Sukumar...we need your inputs here...! New year wishes everyone

Sorry Guys..... been on the beach in Goa... thinking about my children. Hi Siddarth... nice new photo... I have some very important thing to ask you, What is this bad impression you are talking about? Personally I feel that your daughter must already have a bad opinion of you thinking that you dont want to see her. See I have*children, a Daughter who I raised as a single parent, I also have a son who lives in the Netherlands, I love my Son very dearly and I have had to make many changes to my life just to be able to see him when ever it has been possible. Just remember that for your child, you are the missing parent, the one she will always love more than the present one. If your ex wife is agressive about this, she is probably using the child as a weapon. These kind of people normally behave as if they love their children, but they use them as weapons on their partner to get some kind of a sick pleasure out of the revenge. From what I know from very practical experience with my daughter and son and neice is that they want to see both parents, and what ever they want their parents to be together and happy.... So just go and do it. Ask your wife very politely that you want to see your daughter, she may allow it... under conditions, these conditions may impact on your pride or what ever, you should set them aside and go and see your daughter. Dont expect too much on the first few visits, this kind of thing is hard to heal and also for you to find some bonding will take time. But try to make appointements that you can keep, dont go too overboard on gifts and things, ask your daughter things she would like to do, try to play some board games with her etc.,... Hope this helps... BUT ***% Gaurenatee that your daughter will feel very happy to see you and to know that you really love her very much. I am in a similar situation, my daughter is all grown up now married and living in Colombo and is a writer there. However I have a son ** years old, i had similar problems of not being able to see him.... i went through the trauma of any parent who lost a child..... I actually mentally buried him.... after * years, the mother who is dutch sent word through a mutual friend that my son was pining for me and that his school advices that he should be given a chance to see the father..... How could I deny my son, the good news is that we now meet once or twice every year and these moments are highlights for both of us and we have a good time and know each other and I know how it feels to hug him. Things with his mother..... had to work very hard on that, but managed to establish a working relationship. ITs not the best arrangement in the world, but cerntainly much better than nothing at all. Let me finish by saying children who have living parents who they do not see actually seem to build insecurity and feel that there is something wrong with them which is why their parent does not want to see them. They seldom think that the parent is responsible. I wish you all the best and in this new year I hope that you will be able to build a relationship with your daughter. I am sure Ruchi Joins me in wishing you the same :) Great new year everbody

Sir, thanx for the reply, infact I had logged on this discussion forum many times to see your reply. wishing you a happy new year.

Wow...what a response Sukumar. Hats off. This clearly shows a mature outlook towards the entire situation...definitely deserves to be spread around to many more people who are in similar situations and possibly dont know how to react. I wish there were more people just viewing this discussion, to gain from it.... Keep it on...

Hey Sidarth any progress??

No comments because i have not come across this kind of situation i simply agree to sukumar.But onething what kind of impression does child have when u go for remarriage i think the impression on child even for this is going to be bad correct me if i am wrong.