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10 Tips for Marriage After Divorce

26 Aug 2008 9:07 PM by Sachin Gupta in Divorce
In a marriage after divorce, one or both partners may bring painful past experiences into the relationship. Here are 10 tips to make remarriage successful.

After a family divorce, people may be more cautious about relationships and remarriage – making second marriages a bit more difficult to enjoy freely. "When you've been hurt, it's hard to let yourself be vulnerable again," say the authors of Making Marriage Work for Dummies.

Chances of marriage after divorce

If you're a divorced woman with small children, your chances of marriage after divorce are small compared to divorced women without kids, divorced men, and never-married people. "Divorcees in particular would rather not live with a partner, whereas people who have only cohabitated in the past still want that. Previous divorce experiences affect the preferences of women more profoundly than those of men," cites Science Daily in the article "Divorce Reduces Chances of New, Successful Relationship."

But marriage after divorce not only happens, it can be wildly successful!

10 tips for marriage after divorce

  1. Settle your first marriage. In addition to the financial, social, and geographical considerations, make sure you're emotionally ready to be in a new relationship.

  2. Understand your mistakes. Figure out your weaknesses and mistakes in your first marriage, and make sure you don't repeat them in your second marriage.

  3. Get to know your partner. Take this second marriage as an opportunity to really get to know your new lover on a deeper level.

  4. Let yourself be known. Be vulnerable, open and honest about your fears and hopes. Share yourself without fear of failure or getting hurt.

  5. Go to premarital counseling. Seek an objective counseling session(s) to lay the foundation for a strong remarriage.

  6. Start fresh. Build your marriage after divorce in a new house or neighborhood – move away from a small town or community. Don't let old ghosts haunt your remarriage.

  7. Develop new routines. Get out of your first marriage rut by developing new habits and traditions to make your remarriage successful.

  8. Practice flexibility. If you've been divorced or single a long time, you may have your own set routines. Be open to change and compromise, and making adjustments in your remarriage.

  9. Deal with money issues. Many remarriages are difficult because of child support payments, alimony, etc. If money issues are problematic, get a divorce mediator or financial consultant to help settle financial issues fairly.

  10. Leave the negativity behind. Focus on a successful remarriage without being dragged down with thoughts of failure or divorce a second time.

(Courtesy: http://psychology.suite101.com)


135 Comment(s)

anand :

on 21 Sep 11 at 2:33 PM

You spend your hard earned money on education and marriage of your wards, get good houses, jewelery,car,money for spouse and at the time of separation every thing goes in flash.In India every things a husband give in the name of wife doe snot come back and husband has to go out like a street dog.It pains a lot to re establish your life again on track.It hurts deep inside.

manoj :

on 26 Jul 11 at 2:28 PM

The problem is that we don't take the ownership of our actions. Today all of us who are on this site exists only because of actions or incations. We make choices so take the ownership but instead we blame the whole world around us. You guys will be surprised that I have come accross lot of Indian Girls who have problem because my daughters are with me. Instead they should have appreciated my dediaction of responsibility and known real me. When life is all about just taking what you get but not ready to give then the outcme can be predicted. Marriage is about lives arund us. Just try to give happiness and it will be compunded and fall back on your lap. Blame the whole world and get nothing or start loving lives around you.

manoj :

on 26 Jul 11 at 2:28 PM

The fear of repetition is so intense that we don't realize the casuality. The side affects of divorce have more impact than the divorce itself. it is more applied in case of a partner who was very honest in a previous relationship. The loss in a divorce is not just about loosing one person whom you loved but you loose the whole world including the dreams that were build around that relationship. The problem is that we carry lot of bitterness becase of this loss and unknowingly and un intentional we pass this to our new relationship and sometimes we loose somebody very precious. I have tried very hard to not to have bitterness against my ex wife and even wished her and her new husband a happy new life. I wish I had done earlier then I would have not lost Abigail. The reason I am sharing it because it might help someone to not o loose somebody who may be so important. The biggest tragedy is that the new partner thinks that you are still in love with your ex and cannot understand the anxiety and pain with the losses.. In my case I destroyed my whole empire that I was building so the loss was much bigger and so was the pain...

manoj :

on 26 Jul 11 at 2:28 PM

We should really admire Indiian Girls who are handling divorce in India. The STIGMA of divorce in India is too much to handle. Even being a man I have to prove my innnocence so I could imagine about Indian Girls. I am the first one in our family to get the divorce and you will be shocked that my close relatives are not even aware of my divorce and I have been told not to tell them. Please don't ask the other person the reason for divorce because the wounds may be too deep and you might be gifting him with tears in the first conversation and he or she might be bleeding inside. Certainly not a good starting point...The problem is there are just too much frauds in these online dating sites...

sunny :

on 22 Jul 11 at 4:16 PM

Real understanding & down to earth person may understand the real cause of subject

Rashmi :

on 20 Jul 11 at 3:06 PM

If people want to take divorce they are not happy with each other how they give birth to child bcos of alll this children suffer lot. There should be rule after completion of 3yrs marriage they should give birth to child.

Rashmi :

on 20 Jul 11 at 3:06 PM

Kamal u have wrote very nice and this is truth and fact

Kamal :

on 01 Jul 11 at 4:23 PM

no one values relatioship any more be it blood or something like marrige. guys are happy if u dont ask u to marry, if they somehow marry they will harass u so much that u will have to choose frm suicide or divorce gud i was strong one to choose life .but some women choose suicide. i wish every such man should be cut to thousand pieces and his family such be made to watch him die, so that they understand that all of you guys forced a woman who gave up every thing fr this guy. guys i kw i been harsh, but this is what i went through, and its very sad;(

davinder :

on 11 Oct 10 at 10:19 AM

hi jasbir,pls cont me

shagufta :

on 20 Sep 10 at 9:56 AM

.....

krishnakumar :

on 30 Aug 10 at 10:15 AM

every one thought Iam pain full bt another one hold it k

ram :

on 26 Aug 10 at 11:25 AM

thak so much

Parvez :

on 25 Aug 10 at 11:30 AM

I am Parvez

mrlonely :

on 28 Jul 10 at 4:10 PM

A PERSON WHOM U LOVE DOES NOT WANT TO HURT IN ANY CONDITION ONE SHOULD LOOK HER HAPPENEES IN ANY WAY TO GETING IS NOT A LOVE TO LOOK HER HAPPY IS A BIG ACHIVEMNET.AS ALL

yuv :

on 28 Jul 10 at 10:28 AM

Nancyji aap ss.com par kya mazak karne aayi hain wdout photo,partner prefrances irritatig what nonsence.hindi me kahen to jahalat .

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