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Remarriage Tips: Take a Second Look

26 Aug 2008 9:13 PM by Sachin Gupta in Re-Marriage
Before remarrying many individuals are a little hesitant to remarry and rightly so. It is important that individuals look at the potential red flags of the person they are considering marrying. Unfortunately, too many people remarry a second time without getting a clear understanding of who are they are marrying. Therefore, I suggest that before remarriage individuals take a second look at the person they are marrying. For example, how does your potential spouse deal with stress, your children, his/her family. It is important to take time and explore how he/she treats others under pressure or stress.

A Friend First

Many step-parents worry about what their role should be with new step-children. Most professionals agree that the most important role that step-parents can take is the role of a friend. Step-parents who are placed in the role of decision maker for step-children early in the new marriage are being placed in a risky place. Be a friend first and let the biological parent do the disciplining. This isn´t a secret it is just plain smart.

Blending Yours, Mine, and Ours

Putting two families together takes a big effort from everyone involved. It is not easy to blend two families together, but it can be done. Here are a few ideas for helping you put your family together. First, prior to marriage or soon after marriage take time on a regular basis to discuss potential problems. Second, spend some time together as a whole family (this helps create new stories). Third, establish family rules such as in this family we don´t talk bad about each other, we support and lift each other up. Fourth, on a regular basis evaluate and re-evaluate what is working and what isn´t working. Let everyone discuss what their feeling and thinking. Fifth, each child should have some individual time with their biological parent.
Blending a family together takes a big effort, nevertheless, it can be very rewarding to everyone involved as all family members will learn how to resolve differences.

Take Time For Each Other

Many remarriages start off busy. Putting two homes into one, or joining one family with another. Such events make it difficult to really enjoy the new union that has been formed. Therefore, I suggest to all newlyweds that you take time for each other. It is helpful if you plan time for each other. Then you must make sure that you carry out your plans. It is in the first few months that you will establish patterns that will last throughout your marriage.

Building strengths in stepfamilies

The Vishers are experts in helping stepfamilies come together. They suggest that remarried couples should:

1) nurture the couple relationship so that the new marriage will survive and thrive
2) find person space and time to relax and unwind from the challenges of a stepfamily
3) nurture family relationships by spending time with each of the new family members
4) maintain a close parent-child relationship
5) focus on the stepparent-stepchild relationship
6) build family trust
7) stengthen stepfamily ties through a family discussion every week or two
8) work at keeping the bridges open to the children´s other household so that co-parenting can work smoothly

Avoiding a Second Spouse Like Your First

Too many times in our society people divorce and remarry only to find that their second spouse is much like their first spouse. Fortunately, some people have learned what signs to look so they can prevent remarrying a prototype of their first spouse. What are the signs to look for in someone who won´t be a good spouse? First, watch for controlling statements or actions. Second, listen to your instincts. Third, observe your potential partner in lots of settings rather than just a few (observe how he/she is around your family, his/her family, around your friends). Fourth, become friends before you take your relationship to a deep intimate level.

Fundamentals to Surviving in a Remarriage

In order to function effectively a step-family must have and maintain the following characteristics.

1st) They must be commited to each other and be willing to make the effort necessary to create change. Many people in their second marriage have said, "if I would have worked this hard in my first marriage we would have never divorced".

2nd) Everyone in a remarriage needs to feel a sense of unity, a feeling of closeness, and they need to feel like they are part of the new family.

3rd) Effective communication and problem solving is essential skill in new families. This requires extra time and effort in trying to understand each others needs.

4th) It is essential for clear boundaries to be established. Newly remarried couples need to establish rules and roles. This includes who does the parenting of the children. What is the step-parents role. These boundaries should be discussed early and often.

(Courtesy: http://marriage.lifetips.com)


19 Comment(s)

mansi :

on 19 Jan 12 at 5:12 PM

Finding love is like finding shoes... people look for good looking ones but some how they end up with ones they feel comfortable with..

Geste :

on 26 Aug 10 at 11:23 AM

To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

suresh :

on 05 Apr 10 at 4:49 PM

Honesty and adjustment are*basics mantras of a relationship.

Santosh :

on 24 Jul 09 at 10:36 AM

marriage is combination of*souls, idea, feeling and so many things, so before it there should be a long time expense for this, if both are agree then they should get married. after marriage divorce is very bad phenomenon.

rakesh :

on 23 Jul 09 at 10:09 AM

MANIShA REPLY ON TIS ARTICALS

rakesh :

on 23 Jul 09 at 10:09 AM

MANISHA TARISH POST UR COMMENT HERE,,,

Dinesh :

on 23 Jul 09 at 10:09 AM

thanks ravinder ji but don't girls think they not only screw up there life and even there whole generations keeps on changing husbands will never affect there image as well as there children's future????

ravindra :

on 23 Jul 09 at 10:09 AM

Dear Dineshji, husband has to play a vital role after marriage towards his mother and wife. He has to keep both of them happy. In the second marriage, the girl and boy may reached upto their maturity. If they have children, they should be much careful about children of his/her partner as this will help them in having a happily married life. Never discuss about past as it may make their relation weak. Donot forget to celebrate the small small things in home. It will help in keeping the married life as a happily married life. In the present days, the girls are much strong than earlier days. They know how to handle the situation, but only with the help of her husband. He should be honest. Girls made his home SWARG.

ravindra :

on 22 Jul 09 at 10:17 AM

I just want to say that re-marriage or the second marriage is always happened when our "Kundli" speak about it. It is not happened in each and every case. It can be seen by the "Learned Panditji" from the "lagan kundli" of a girl/boy. You should not afraid of it. This is all called "Luck". Everything happens in our life is our luck. So,please donot worry about it and accept it with open hearted. You may know people around you who have crossed their marriage age but are still unmarried. This is called luck. Luck cannot be purchased by money. Always think positive. Any thing happens in our life is always for better of our life.

Dinesh :

on 22 Jul 09 at 10:17 AM

What will be the status of doing re-marring? how far will our society welcome the couple? Is there any major disadvantages? Please advice.

Geste :

on 21 Jul 09 at 10:21 AM

maha iam intrest

surinder :

on 21 Jul 09 at 10:21 AM

is there a girl for me too? God knows. i have realised one thing that there is no life and scope for honest, loving and sensitive people on this 'waste earth'

Anshu :

on 21 Jul 09 at 10:21 AM

We need to change ourself, our society and our thinking rather blaming our luck & fortune. In India, guys like us who were not enough lucky in 1st time are struggling to find a partner. But you go outside, in a lebral coutry, it is very easy to get someone as partner to lead a better life after 1st failure.

Dinesh :

on 20 Jul 09 at 10:38 AM

Excellent this will give awareness to many. Hats of!!!

Geste :

on 20 Jul 09 at 10:38 AM

Hi any girl intersted then pl do contact me.

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