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Tips for a Happy Modern Indian Marriage - Effect of a Broken Marriage on Children - Discussion Forum - Second Shaadi
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Tips for a Happy Modern Indian Marriage

Tips for a Happy Modern Indian Marriage Here are some things you can do to help build a strong marriage. Don't leave the success of your marriage to fate; read Pundit Kaushik wise words on getting the balance right once and for all ? However happy you are before the ceremony, there's something about getting married that can rock the boat. Most couples wobble on honeymoon. Many find that once back home, things aren't going as well as they did before the ceremony. A staggering one in*marriages are also set to fail. So whether you're a blushing bride or forty years down the road, how can you make your marriage work? The answer is to look at what effective couples do and apply their magical secrets to your relationship. * Successful Married Couples get their deal straight Marriage is different from living together. It's not necessarily better, but it's different. Both of you will have different expectations of a 'spouse' than of a 'partner' - often basing those expectations on what you saw of your parents' married life. For example, you may have been happy for your man to live the student life before the wedding, but afterwards, you expect him to draw a regular salary. Successful couples talk deeply before the wedding about their expectations of each other, and if there's serious disagreement - for example he wants kids, she doesn't - they think seriously about whether to marry. After the wedding, successful couples also talk regularly to check their expectations of married life. Even if those expectations clash, they keep communicating until they have understanding and mutual agreement. * Successful Married Couples keep their individuality However independent you were before, marriage has a habit of sucking you in to being a couple. Particularly if the marriage involves children, your lives are increasingly tied up together day-to-day. The result is often feeling both dependent and depended on - as though you have someone constantly clinging to your ankles. Successful couples know that, however much love there is, marriage can bring this trapped feeling. They encourage each other not to be always 'us', to take 'me' time, to have 'me' hobbies and even 'me' friends. This way, each partner brings individuality in to the marriage, keeping it rosy fresh, kicking and alive. * Successful Married Couples keep each other on centre stage It's tempting, once married, to forget the little courtesies. When you were going out - and still trying - you remembered the little things, such as serving each other first, and remembered the big things like respectfully listening to each other. Marriage can cause a sea of change in life style and often you stop being courteous to each other, stop seeing each other as important and instead start putting other things - like relationship ,friends ,work, hobbies or the children - first. Successful couples always keep each other centre stage. They are interested in their partner's opinions. They take their partner seriously. They refer to their spouse in glowing terms when talking to other people. In short, they never take each other for granted and remember how lucky they are to be married. * Successful Married Couples learn to resolve conflicts mutually **-year study of married couples and concluded that the main element that separated success from failure was whether they could resolve conflicts or not. The bottom line is that unless the*of you are clones or doormats, there'll be times when you disagree and times when these disagreements cause pain. Sure, you shouldn't put up with aloffness, distraction ,addiction, violence or abuse. But if your partner simply wants something different from you or does something differently from you, you must resolve that. Successful couples always keep communicating, whatever the bad feeling between them. They negotiate differences and disagreements amicably so that they both end up getting a fair deal. They smile and support each other rather than nag and whinge. They accept that sometimes, loving is more important than winning. * Successful Married Couples keep the lust alive On your wedding night, you may rip each other's knickers off - but to be honest, in the years that follow, desire's going to dip. Plus, nowadays, marriage often coincides with the ultimate passion killer, the birth of your first baby. Successful couples know that to keep lust alive, you need to actively prioritise lovemaking and make time and taking space for it. You need to make sure you're constantly updating your knowledge of each other's sexual needs, finding new ways to please each other. Successful couples always stay affectionate. If there's a sexual drought, they ride it out by flirting, touching, hugging, kissing and being romantic. * Successful Married Couples grow with each other The bottom line is that the person you marry won't be the person you're still married to in ten years' time. You'll both change - particularly at crunch points in your lives such as starting a family, losing a parent or facing the empty nest. Successful couples know that one or both partners will shift in personality at these times. It can feel as if the rules have changed; what it means is that you need to change in order to keep up with the changing relationship. Successful couples anticipate shifts and ride with them. Rather than demanding they both stay the same forever, they welcome the natural developments of personality and partnership that happen with time. *. Watch Your Relationships. To preserve your determination to make your marriage succeed, don't get too close flirt with members of the opposite sex. If you do, in the back of your mind, you might begin to view them as alternatives in the event that your marriage doesn't work out. This will weaken your resolve. After all, why work so hard when you have an escape route? Also, these types of close relationships are likely to make your spouse feel threatened. *. Pay Full Attention. Listen to your spouse when he or she talks to you. It's a sign of respect. Try to give him or her your undivided attention. Also, nod in agreement occasionally, it tells your partner you're listening. If your spouse talks to you when you're in the middle of something important, say so, and suggest a time when you'll be able to pay full attention. *. Share Enjoyable Activities. Do fun things with your spouse. Exercise together, take leisurely walks, or share a pursuit that's mutually enjoyable. Such activities strengthen your relationship and make it easier for the*of you to endure the hard times that come in every marriage. *. Learn from Your Experiences. Learn from the past. For example, if you find that you're often tense when you're very hungry, minimize your conversation with your spouse during those times. Similarly, if you see that your spouse gets worked up whenever you mention the name of a certain relative, don't mention that person's name unless absolutely necessary. Try to learn from the past. *. Be Polite. Be courteous to your spouse. When speaking with him or her, use phrases such as "please," "thank you," "would you mind if I.," and so forth. It will make your Spouse feel appreciated and respected. *. Never Say "I Told You So" Remove the phrase "I told you so" from your lexicon. Saying these words only causes ill will between you and your spouse. People say this phrase for*reasons: To show off that they were right, To get their mates to listen to them in the future. What they don't realize is that the message that comes across is, "Aren't I smarter than you ?" which is insulting. When you're proven right after an argument, your spouse will realize this on his or her own. There is no need to point it out. They wrote the following poem to encourage people to act this way: To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the wedding cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up. *. Don't Keep or Settle Score. Don't walk around with a watchful eye making sure your partner carries his or her share of the workload. Instead, take the view that it doesn't matter if you end up doing more than half of what has to be done. Making sure your relationship stays fifty-fifty will put so much tension into your marriage that it's not worth the effort. So unless your spouse is very lazy or a real responsibility shirker, don't keep track of who does more. *. Watch Out for the Little Things. A family court judge once commented that in ** percent of the divorce cases he presided over, the couples were upset about very small matters. Here are some of the types of complaints he was referring to: "She never lets me leave the window open at night." "He always wears that loud shirt that embarrasses me." "She never replaces the mosqito coil when it's finished." "He always leaves his socks on the floor." These small matters can be very detrimental to a relationship, so watch out for them. There is, however, a silver lining to this cloud: Just as little things can ruin a relationship, they can also build one. A brief call to ask how your spouse's day is going can make a big difference in his or her feelings toward you. Remembering your mate's birthday with a little gift can mean a lot. Even just bringing your partner a chocolate bar or a novel you think he or she will enjoy can mean a great deal, because it shows you care. Women in particular often need small but frequent gestures of love. *. Greet Your Partner Happily. Smile at your mate when you greet him or her. It will make your spouse feel appreciated and loved. Even if you're in a bad mood, be sure to flash that grin. It's a small investment that can go a long way. **. Respect Your Spouse's Privacy. Don't go through your partner's things out of curiosity or in an effort to make them look neater. Privacy is a fundamental need all humans have, so be sure to respect it. Similarly, make it a habit not to repeat your spouse's words to others. You never know what your mate wants kept secret. Last but least fell happy if you see each other friends or family members.
Replies(8) | 2012-Jul-07

artiste
14-Jan-13

i disagree all of the above. this may hurt the children but eventually they will get over it. People have the right to express their feeling to leave and no one shall be obligated to stay; after all, the love for the children will always be there. I too like stories of couples getting back together but unfortunately, to this day, it is still rare and i would like this trend to grow bigger. But, on the other hand, you are still wornd Sir, people have personal rights regardless. i think its time that you stop being ancient minded and surrender yourself to become modern minded; everyone is like that nowadays.


bsvermadurg
07-Aug-13

it may differ from case to case. exception can not be make rule and rules can not be treated as exception.

Do your duty and a little more and the future will take care of itself.


shrevind
21-Jan-14

yes many of the above said things are true...and some things in addition too...like *) The friend/neighbour's wife is prettier *) He/she earns more/ has more of money, land gold whatever... *) I see the same spouse( applies to both) day in and day out..familiarity breeding contempt, like said above...we stop liking the same people whom we are familiar with...and take things for granted.. .*) Only blaming and not accepting that i can make the same mistakes too.. and ego problems of any sort... *) Doing only the blue collared jobs at home and leaving rest to the spouse..and on it goes.... Al lthese create problems and need ironing out prior to really living it out......


peacefulman
10-Apr-15

All thiings are relative garbage.


peacefulman
10-Apr-15

All thiings are relative garbage.


peacefulman
10-Apr-15

All thiings are relative garbage.


agarwal1980
25-Oct-15

four ninty eighta a is destroying indian culture

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