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Is It Possible to Beat the Odds And Make Your Second Marriage a Success?

26 Aug 2008 9:09 PM by Sachin Gupta in Re-Marriage
It’s been proven that the second marriage divorce rate is statistically higher than that of first marriages because of a few simple, yet critical mistakes that many people make when they enter their second marriage.

Psychology Today stated that “a whopping 60% of second marriages fail. And they do so even more quickly after an average of 10 years; 37% of second marriages have dissolved versus 30% of first marriages.”

If anything can be learned from the second marriage divorce rate, it is the fact that you need to enter a second marriage with CAUTION. Here are some tips that will help you beat the odds of the second marriage divorce rate and make your second marriage a success:

1. Make Sure You REALLY Know Who You’re Marrying.

Be sure that YOUR beliefs are in line with your spouse’s. And I’m not only talking about religion here. I’m also talking about your partner’s beliefs about making and saving money, disciplining children, daily love & affection, sex, household chores and even social beliefs.

It is opposite beliefs on subjects like these that will quickly put your relationship on the fast track to divorce.

In your hunger to find new love, you may be tempted to idealize life with your fiancée and ignore the discussion of opposite beliefs.

But let me warn you, if you do this, there's a good chance you'll end up becoming another statistic in the rising second marriage divorce rate.

Don’t make the same mistakes you did in your first marriage. Discuss these issues NOW. Don’t wait just because you don’t want to “spoil the mood.”

2. Create a Check List of Issues that Led to Your Last Divorce

Another way to beat the odds of the second marriage divorce rate is to write down every little thing you and your ex fought about throughout your marriage. Did you struggle with jealousy issues even though your spouse gave you no reason to be suspicious?

Did you and your ex struggle with money problems in your marriage? Make a list of all the issues that contributed to your last divorce and see whether or not those issues could spring up again in your second marriage.

Type out the list and use it as a way to discuss your beliefs about each of the issues and how you think that subject should be handled in your second marriage. Be sure to include issues that are not typical like landscape maintenance, vacations and work ethic.

Those may seem like insignificant issues right now, but it is better to get everything out into the open BEFORE you are married...than to be sorry you didn't later on when your second marriage becomes another statistic in the rising second marriage divorce rate.

3. Don’t Rush Into your Second Marriage Because You’re Blinded By “Love”.

Research shows that the second marriage divorce rate greatly increases if you’ve been in a relationship with a person for less than a year. Don’t think this research does not apply to you. As difficult as it may be to accept, these ARE the facts.

It has also been proven that both men and women want to be married and connected regardless of the misery they suffered in their last marriage. Loneliness can drive anyone to seek relief in their second marriage and few people are thinking straight when they remarry too quickly.

The burning desire to “not be lonely” creates such a hunger that rational thought becomes an irritating nuisance.

Though you may not want to hear it now, romance is a very powerful “drug”. It will keep you in a trance like state right up until the moment you say I do…for the second time.

And once you’re married, you’ll notice that the romance you once felt gradually gets replaced with the predictability of married life.

So just remember, if you want to beat the second marriage divorce rate, don’t fall into the trap of thinking that the romance in your relationship will continue to last forever.

Romance is just not practical in marriage due to busy schedules, children and the monotony of daily life. At the very least, remember to keep a clear head during the pre-marriage time spent with your partner.

4. Honestly Look at What Caused Your Last Divorce.

To beat the odds of the second marriage divorce rate, you MUST start to be honest with yourself. Understand that it was NOT just one issue or one person that “caused” your last divorce.

It’s true. There is not ONE person that causes a divorce.

Instead, it is the clash of two OPPOSITE value systems that drives people to divorce. Two opposite “value” or belief systems can cause a variety of problems in a marriage like:

  • Infidelity

  • Over-sensitivity

  • Lack of intimacy

  • Excessive fighting

  • Confusing and unclear communication

  • Not enough quality time due to busy schedules

  • Unsolvable children issues

  • Inability to find the real source of conflicts

It's important to find out which issues caused conflict in your last marriage so you can openly discuss them with your partner.

AND JUST A FAIR WARNING: Do NOT get carried away with the painful details of your last marriage. The conversation with your partner should NOT be about bashing your ex husband or wife, but instead about eliminating potential conflicts in your second marriage.

There is no need to discuss ALL the details of your last marriage...just your viewpoint on your values in life. (i.e. money management, religion, family values, etc.)

5. CLEARLY Understand Your Expectations of Each Other.

It is important to go into a second marriage with a clear understanding of what your needs are. Men and women’s expectations surprisingly are different, so be sure to talk openly and honestly about these needs BEFORE you get married the second time around.

(If you're already married, discuss them as soon as possible.)

For instance, if you need one night out of the week to be with your friends just to break up the “routine” of things, let your partner know this BEFORE you are married. It is this kind of open communication that leads to successful second marriages.

If you REALLY want to beat the odds of the second marriage divorce rate and make this time around a success, you MUST understand the CRITICAL role that your and your spouse's belief systems take on in a marriage.

Once you do, when conflicts emerge in your second marriage, you’ll be able to resolve them quickly and effectively, with no hard feelings on either side.


14 Comment(s)

mansi :

on 15 Feb 12 at 4:27 PM

Always believe in God, because there are some questions that even Google can't answer.

mansi :

on 07 Feb 12 at 3:35 PM

Kisike Ke Intezaar Main......"Murjha gaya phool par bahar wahi hai,dur rehte hai par pyar wahi hai,jaante hain mil nahi pa rahe aapse,magar in aankhon mein intezaar wahi hai "

chander :

on 14 Sep 10 at 6:37 PM

Har baar tujhe dekhkar hum apna dil tham lete hai, Kitne khushnaseeb hai hum sochkar muskuradete hai, Tu meri nazar me sabse badhkar hai aye jaan, hum khuda ka na sahi par tumhara naam zaroor lete hai.

mrlonely :

on 14 Sep 10 at 6:37 PM

har baar tujhe dekhkar hum apna **** tham lete hai, Kitne khushnaseeb hai hum sochkar muskuradete hai, Tu meri **** me sabse badhkar hai aye jaan,


on 14 Sep 10 at 6:37 PM


Geste :

on 24 Sep 09 at 9:55 AM

hello Preeti how are u? well can we communicate with eachother?

Geste :

on 22 Sep 09 at 6:24 PM

Hey why u people always hide to see ur profiles ? watzz the use of hiding if u r intrested no one can find a person by seeing his / her profile want to meet at once or twice so that we can get a gud partner to enjoy the remaining life thats it allllllll

Subramoney :

on 22 Sep 09 at 6:24 PM

There is obviously a lot of merit in what Mr Gupta says. I am imressed with the statistics. I have been there twice, but never ever compare your current liaison with your first wife. There will be enough conflict if a man does that and he can wish his current "flame " goodbye

Geste :

on 22 Sep 09 at 10:10 AM

Dimple i wanna see your profile and your photo.

sanu :

on 21 Sep 09 at 10:11 AM

Hi Vandana Jha. If u online please let meknow.

udit :

on 21 Sep 09 at 10:11 AM

Hi Bhumeeka.

Geste :

on 21 Sep 09 at 10:11 AM

i am also wating

sunaina :

on 21 Jan 09 at 3:24 PM

Mr Gupta, can u mention the source of the statisticc u have mentioned above?

preeti :

on 21 Jan 09 at 3:24 PM

But if someone delebrately wants to ruin the life of someone wat u should do

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