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A Guide to Getting Remarried in Style

26 Aug 2008 9:12 PM by Sachin Gupta in Wedding
It seems like everyone has an opinion on second weddings. "You shouldn't wear white" or "You shouldn't have such a fancy second wedding" or even "Eloping is what made the first marriage fail – you have to have a big church wedding this time." If you're planning a second wedding while trying to sort out etiquette from opinions, here's a guide for everything from what to wear to how to register. Don't worry - you're older, you're wiser and you've got some experience under your belt – this time should be a snap, right?

Second Wedding Dresses and Attire

The good news is that the old rule about not wearing white for a second wedding has gone out the window. You can wear whatever color feels and looks good on you. Most brides getting remarried have already had their "Princess in a white dress" moment the first time around, and so opt for a more mature look such as a brocade suit or a simple cocktail dress. However, if you eloped the first time, or simply want to have that Princess moment again, there's no reason why you can't. In fact, as divorce and remarriage becomes an evermore regular part of our society, the possibilities for what a second wedding dress can be are endless.

Ideas for what to wear to a second wedding:

  • a designer dress that you've been salivating over, but couldn't justify its expense – until now

  • an off-white floor-length sheath dress

  • a beautiful suit, in any color

  • especially if you looked like a demure princess the first time, wow 'em with a sexy slip dress

Announcing Your Engagement and Telling Your Ex-Husband or Ex-Wife

The very first people you should tell are your children. You can ask them if they'd rather tell their other parent, or if they prefer that you share the news. If you don't have children, it is certainly not mandatory that you inform your ex-spouse – only tell them if you'd rather they didn't hear it from someone else. Many people find that its easiest to send a letter saying "I wanted to share with you the glad news that John and I are getting married. I've already told our children, and asked them to be a part of the wedding ceremony." Afterwards, in the regular way.

Involving Children in a Second Wedding

If you have children, you may wish to make them a special part of your second wedding. Depending on their age, they may be a flower girl, ring bearer, junior bridesmaid or groomsman, or even the best man or maid of honor. Perhaps they would like to read something during the ceremony, or make a special toast during the reception. Make sure that they are comfortable with their role. If your children are especially young, you may want to invite their other parent to be there.

Something that is becoming more common is to include children in a second wedding with a family vow after the bride and groom's vows. For example, "I, (name), solemnly promise that I will care for you, love you and honor you as my own." Some people also give a small medallion or piece of jewelry, saying something like "Take this as a symbol of our family, and our love for you." Other couples instead will simply ask their officiant to bless them and declare them one united family. are perfect for second weddings as well.

One couple that I knew included their children's names on their invitations, saying "Diane Jones and Mark Smith invite you to join them as they celebrate their wedding, and together with their son Winston Jones, become one family." In this case, the bride was a widow. Divorced couples will want to make sure their ex-spouses are comfortable with such wording.

Registering and Wedding Gifts for a Second Wedding

Rules of etiquette state that gifts are not mandatory for a second wedding. This is because traditionally wedding gifts are to help a couple set up their household, and presumably, second time brides and grooms already have their own households. However, gifts are now much more common for a second wedding. You can register just as you did for your first wedding. You may wish to register for more fun things such as art work, or at a store like Sears where you can register for everything from furniture to electronics as well as home goods.

Bridal Showers for a Second Wedding

For the same reason that wedding gifts aren't always given, bridal showers for a second-time bride are not that common. Your friends may insist on throwing one. If so, look for an unusual theme such as "stock the liquor cabinet" where guests are asked to bring either glassware, bar accessories, or a favorite bottle of liquor. Of course, you'll have to have the guests over soon to enjoy the success of such a shower!

Who Pays for a Second Wedding

Typically the bride and groom split the costs of a second wedding evenly. Whether or not they contributed to the costs of your first wedding, you shouldn't expect parents or relatives to chip in. Of course, if they offer, you may accept their help graciously.

(Courtesy: http://weddings.about.com)


53 Comment(s)

Geste :

on 19 Jul 10 at 1:23 PM

There is no such thing as a perfect marriage nor a perfect partner in life. Every married couples are facing their own set of problems. And one of the most common marriage problems couples encounter is loss of intimacy. This issue concerns one of the foundations of marriage and can turn a loving relationship into an unexciting one. But you can avoid this if you make your partner feel loved, respected and valued at all times. Simple gestures like a goodbye kiss, little gift or fleeting caress are effective ways of showing that your spouse means a lot to you.

Geste :

on 19 Jul 10 at 1:23 PM

Communication gap is another problem commonly encountered by married couples these days. As with other relationships, communication also plays a big and important part in a married life. Poor communication can indeed lead to a poor relationship. If there are issues to be addressed and conflicts to be resolved, there's no better way of handling them than having a serious conversation with your spouse on what's going on and how can these issues be resolved.

Geste :

on 19 Jul 10 at 1:23 PM

Other common marriage problems include conflicts with in-laws and financial matters. There are in-laws that are extremely supportive of your relationship, but some can also be the exact opposite. Financial problems also cause strained relationship among many married couples. When there is lack of financial stability, money matters may then surface. This becomes a problem when only one of you is earning or even if both of you make a share in all your expenses, yet your earnings are not enough for your family's needs.

Geste :

on 19 Jul 10 at 1:23 PM

Your children and a busy work schedule can also be counted as among the common marriage problems. Children becomes a problem when they add stress in marriage because of the issues on caretaking, responsibility and change in roles. A lot of married couples are also having problems with their busy schedules at work which give them lesser time to spend with their families. Busy couples usually fight about who will take care of the household responsibilities.

Geste :

on 19 Jul 10 at 1:23 PM

Sometimes, married couples also fight about each other's bad habits like nagging, leaving messes for others to clean or being lazy. If you are already aware that these habits are causing problems to your spouse, find ways to change and overcome them

Geste :

on 19 Jul 10 at 1:23 PM

However, all the common marriage problems mentioned below can easily be resolved if both parties agreed to compromise on working things out in order to save their marriage. You can get better results if the*of you admit your faults and agree to change your bad behaviors. It takes mutual effort and commitment to work on keeping your marriage stronger and making it a lasting union. If you become successful in reconciling all your differences and misunderstandings, you can save yourselves from the painful and expensive consequences of a divorce.

Amit :

on 19 Jul 10 at 1:23 PM

Please follow face book to contact with me i am widowed and live at Rishra in west bengal and my name is Amit Kumar Mundhra

Amit :

on 19 Jul 10 at 1:23 PM

Hello I am Amit Kumar Mundhra Please follow me in face Book For my Detail I am Widowed and Ilive at rishra in west bengal

kasi :

on 19 Jul 10 at 1:23 PM

i think , ihad learn lot from this .thank u.

kavitha :

on 19 Jul 10 at 1:23 PM

Nice artical i had learn lot from this. thaxs

Geste :

on 19 Jul 10 at 1:23 PM

iam looking for a girl who can love me a lot n fill my entire life with love...n affection....many people people say that pehla pyar pehla pehla hta hai bt i say tht love is love is love there is nothing like pehla or dosra.

Geste :

on 19 Jul 10 at 1:23 PM

thanxz for reading comments.

Geste :

on 19 Jul 10 at 1:23 PM

gudmrng 2 all

Geste :

on 16 Jul 10 at 10:46 AM

hi every body

vijay :

on 14 Sep 09 at 7:15 PM

everything is beautfully designed for us by the God but we repent after becoming single parent. why because we need pleasure not pains and in HIS way there r pains first and then happiness (permanent pleasure) nothing in between. i could not understand why people mention sharing and caring, beautifyl, handsome in 2nd innings when they had all tried in first innings. better one should write god fearing only. one who is that is everything

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