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How to Help Your Child Accept a Second Marriage

26 Aug 2008 9:12 PM by Sachin Gupta in Children
On announcing your forthcoming second marriage, your 6 to 11 year old child has reacted negatively - what should you as a mother do to make it easier? When you're faced with your child's pain and anger during a time of your happiness, it can be a turbulent time. This article presents some ways to help your child come to terms to the new arrangements and learn to accept your impending blended family.
  1. Reassure your child. Even if your child gets along well with your fiancé, remarriage often revives the pain of divorce. Also, through loyalty or fear of betraying his father, your child might want to refuse to participate or help. It is important to reassure him, to tell him that you understand and respect his decision. Prepare him for a solution that lets him off the hook; such as going to his father's place or a friend's place during the wedding. He mustn't feel abandoned but it's important that his refusal to attend won't influence your decision to go ahead. Whatever happens, your marriage will occur because it's a matter for the grown-ups to make decisions about their own lives.

  2. Understand her worries. She may be afraid that perhaps she'll be called upon to move, to share her room with a half or step-sibling. She may be worried about what will happen to her daily play routine, vacation plans and general activities. On the other hand, it may well be that a new marriage will bring about an ease in financial constraints so it is important to be honest and explain how change is always hard for everyone but that there will be some very good changes that come out of the new family situation. Point out how there will be easier ways to do things with more people on board to help out. It is important to be frank, because she will feel betrayed if you try to gloss over the challenges. Reassure her that despite the changes, her relationship with both her parents remains one of love, support and respect for her. And let her know that despite the new marriage, you will be still be there for her, together planning the future, with her as she grows up and supporting one another.

  3. Make it clear that love between adults is not something a child can change. Gently help him to understand that whilst he can manage his toys, homework and choice of clothes, he cannot influence his parent's love life, whether it be divorce or remarriage. In discussing this, never use negative words about him - a child all too easily assumes responsibility for the single parent and can feel a sense of personal blame. Ensure that he does not have any such negative feelings and reassure him that when it comes to affairs of the heart, feelings and love, much cannot be explained and that things just "are". Tell him also that the joy of one person does not equate with the sadness of another - there is room for all the family to feel joy at the coming marriage.

  4. Approach new names with great care. Unless there are very good reasons, it is not a good idea to change a child's last name; it is a threatening challenge to both her personal identity and her connection with her father. It is better to reassure your child firmly that she will keep her father's name and that nothing changes. In terms of a name for the new spouse, discuss this directly with your child and let your child come up with a nickname for her new parent. Finally, explain to her that she has the right to love her new parent without this love taking the place of her love for her father. There is room for both people in her life and if both her father and new parent take their roles seriously, she'll discover the delight of having more people caring about her welfare and needs.

  5. Be patient. A very stubborn refusal that includes rebelliousness and anger won't be resolved overnight. Talk to your ex-husband to get support for helping your child through this transition. If he hasn't remarried before you, odds are he will be in the future, so either he'll have already been through it or he'll be open-eared about what he will experience should this happen to him as well. Show openly to your child that you and your ex-husband still have your child's concerns at heart first and foremost in your discussions; this isn't the time for dragging through old hurts but it is a time for putting your child's concerns first.

(Courtesy: http://www.wikihow.com)


214 Comment(s)

Geste :

on 08 Jul 10 at 10:51 AM

Vinay Gadhe ki aakhri aulad pehli wali say divorce hua nahi doosri shadi karne aya....

Rakesh :

on 08 Jul 10 at 10:51 AM

Kimat Pani ki nahi pyas ki hoti hai ,Kimat Maut ki nahi Saans ki hoti hai , DOST to bahut hai Duniya me , Kimat Dosti ki nahi Vishwas ki hoti hai ,,,, or har wo Rishta Kamjor hai jisme Dosti ka ahsaas nahi hai jo Vishwas ke majboot dhage se bandhi ho

Geste :

on 08 Jul 10 at 10:51 AM

dear Lonely the peoples like u reflecting ur family background by putting such words against any person to whome you dont know /its ok its not ur fault i think ur upbringing is of gutter. i think u are mantally insane

Geste :

on 08 Jul 10 at 10:51 AM

dear Lonely the peoples like u reflecting ur family background by putting such words against any person to whome you dont know /its ok its not ur fault i think ur upbringing is of gutter. i think u are mantally insane and i think no women can live with u such a gutteral brain

Geste :

on 07 Jul 10 at 4:50 PM

It seems there is a sort of "gunda raj" on SS discussions..Jokes are cheap, disgusting ....SICK... It's enough now...!!!!

saurabh :

on 07 Jul 10 at 4:50 PM

persons who is interesting to marry me contact please..........

Geste :

on 05 Jul 10 at 3:40 PM

A simple and humble request to the NRI male members of SS...Please Please.. if you have a " "secret girlfriend" or are already married...please DON"T come to INDIA for MARRIAGE and RUIN an innocent girl's life and shattering all her dreams!!You not only ruin the girls life but also cause alot of agony to her whole family..Have fear from God!! Thanx

Geste :

on 05 Jul 10 at 10:42 AM

Hi to all,God bless every one.

Sonal :

on 05 Jul 10 at 10:42 AM

Hi A please give your email or contact number

mansi :

on 05 Jul 10 at 10:42 AM

Thought of the day:DO IT ANYWAY People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered; Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; Succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway. The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got anyway. You see...in the final analysis, it is between you and God; It was never between you and them anyway.

Geste :

on 05 Jul 10 at 10:42 AM

Hi...I am Alone...looking for my "DREAM GIRL"...BEAUTIFUL-BOLD MINDED-...who shares my "DREAMS"...can u...

Geste :

on 05 Jul 10 at 10:42 AM

hi i am sanjay looking for nice sweet homely lady..are you the one?? please do contact

Geste :

on 05 Jul 10 at 10:42 AM

perfectly said M

Geste :

on 05 Jul 10 at 10:42 AM

Thanx Neha for ur kind wishes...u too good luck in your search..

ravi :

on 01 Jul 10 at 6:37 PM

hi everybody , sub log yha per time pass kar rhe hain kyo ki girls ke parents aaj bhi uss ki shadi aapni marji se karna chahte hain or boys bhi kuch hud tak aisa hi karte hain , sub member aapna aapna sathi aapne aapne dhang se chatee hain but sub kuch rub janta hain or uss ko pata hain ki kis ko kya dena hain sub log yha pee bachein hain aagar aap log kisi ke sath rhein kar nahi dekho gae to kaise pata lagega ki sathi aacha hain ki bura hain. iss leye main kheta hu ki sub log aapna aapna sathi jaldi see dhund le yha par time mut pass karo kyo hi aap sub log ek second yani ki aapne jandi ki khushi or gum ko kho rhe hain. main aaj tuk kam se kam hundred girls ko intrested kar chuka hu but koi girls tyar nhi hain rub hi janta hain ki kis ka sathi aacha hain yaa buura sub god pur ? do usse hi pata hain kis ko kya dena hai good bye friends aapna aapna dissigion jaldi see lo or s .shaadi. com se out ho jaao thanks

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